Scientists Dr. Racbedbutt, and Dr. Stupidgalass have managed to successfully thaw out a Civil War General whom served the Union back in 1863. Gen. Stuffernumnut was in the midsdt of giving new marching orders during the Battle Of Chickamauga when he suddenly fell off his horse and into the river.
As he began to swim his way out, confederates created and launched a new weapon called a Icejerker that essentially tosses in ice cubes to freeze over the river and the General along with it. Nearly 160 years later the river dried and became a landfill but was eventually discovered by workers whom alerted local scientists. They decided to wake up the General by thawing him out by using a thermo induced fiber pressure cottono emitter which is just fancy science talk for a firehose spraying out hot water.
Needless to say, when he was briefed on when and where he was he became frightened into thinking he was dead and in a moronic form of purgatory. "How did parts of the world turn so stupid?" he asked with a look of amazement. "Why did you thaw me out and wake me up into a world like this? I demand you put my ass back into frozen hibernation now!" he demanded.
Scientists said to the General they thawed him out so he can contribute his true experiences of the Civil War. General's reply was, "War is hell, but this is worse added with the stupidity that surrounds it. I ain't gonna tell you boys diddly shit about my experiences of the civil war. Now put my ass to sleep, then wake me when yall come to your senses and stop acting stupid." Suffice to say, the scientists refuse to meet the General's demands and will instead drug his ass with truth serum and get him to talk that way instead.
Too bad the General can't adapt easily afterall. We're rooting for ya General as you make this difficult transition and hope you too don't become stupid.