John Englemanhimer tries to break swimming record on dry land.

    We couldn’t believe it when we saw it. A student known as John Englemanhimer or let’s just say JE because that damn name is too long attempts to break a swimming record today against the advice of his shrink.

    Dr. Eddy Tornbutthalfcliff told JE that it is “A wasteful and stupid thing to do with your time, you moron.” JE only replied with, “I want fortunate and glorious moron.”

    JE was determind to do this and moved forward with his plans. He had his pink flamingo trunks on, goggle in one hand, and hand lotion in the other hand (don’t ask) as he took his steps closer and closer to the place where he would break a record and become famous.

    There is just one small problem. How do you break a swimming record on dry land? This was certainly something JE did not anticipate when he schemed this together. At first JE though this would not be an issue at all until he got dirt stuck under his fingernails, and had dust flying all over his face.

    Sadly in the end, no record was broken. However, JE is never fresh out of ideas. He is now considering submerged rock climbing at the local lake. Best of luck to you JE, we’re sitting back drinking beer and rooting for you!


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